Lucy
Lucy had a daughter born still in 2016.
She started art workshops for people who have lost babies, ‘Still Parents’, in 2019.
“We had a little girl called Jennifer Rose. She was born still at 6.22 on a Saturday.
I didn’t know anyone else who’d been through it but through social media channels I found a whole community. There was a realisation that it happens more than I had thought and often people just don’t talk about it - it’s brushed under the carpet and you just have to deal with it.
And that struck me. I felt I needed to do something with it.
What if we did something that wasn’t about talking – it was about making and doing and just being together.
The sessions are called Still Parents which is for the babies who are born still, but also for the fact they’re still parents. That was the biggest thing for us.
We got an amazing response to it.
I think that what people want to do is come together with people who’ve been through the same thing but without that pressure to talk. There is no pressure to talk at all – if you want to come and get on with making your print or pot that’s absolutely fine, but if you want to there’s other people here that have been through similar experiences that you’ll find some common ground with.
We had one lady who lost her baby 36 years ago. To have her and somebody who’s just a few months in almost supporting each other and talking to each other – you can see the hope. Knowing it won’t go away but that you’ll find a way to work around it and it will still be part of you, but you’ll understand how to navigate a bit more.
And that it doesn’t go away. That’s quite comforting because you don’t want it to go away either. Part of the difficulty with any loss is losing the memories and losing that rawness because sometimes you’re comforted by the raw reaction, you think ‘it’s still there and I’m glad it’s still there because I don’t want to forget them’.
“It’s not just about baby loss, it’s about hope and resilience and strength.”
We did an embroidery project that seemed to really help people and a lot have continued with it in their own time. Sewing is repetitive and therapeutic and quiet. You make sense of stuff while you’re doing something so it’s processing while you’re making.
When people come a few weeks or so into their loss you can see it – their bodies just carry this grief – but as the months go on you can see it lifting. It’s kind of amazing to watch and to relate it back to your own grief remembering how hard it was, how heavy it was. You can see your own progress and journey through others.
I’ve come on so much since starting the sessions – meeting other people, talking to other people understanding that they feel the same, understanding that they’re just normal people. You sometimes think that you’ve done something wrong or that you’re unusual and you realise there’s just loads of other really normal people that are going through exactly the same thing.
Many of the participants now have a special relationship with the gallery because it’s been part of their journey. They talk with heart about the place because it’s helped them. It’s a part of their experience, part of their baby. There’s solace in a gallery.
We haven’t got a grave for Jenny so we haven’t got anywhere to go.
The gallery is my place to go, and be, and feel.
The Still Parents project curated an exhibition called Life After Baby Loss, running until October 30th 2022.
You can find out more about the award winning work here- Still Parents | Whitworth Art Gallery
You can follow also the project on Instagram @whitworthstillparents
Written by Faye Dawson