Laura
Laura is a freelance copywriter based in York.
Her mum died suddenly in December 2019.
“A death like that, an experience like that, engenders a bit of a ‘fuck it’ attitude. Every bit of control we think we’ve got is just an illusion; we think we’re in control and we’re really not.
I’d been waiting my whole life for someone to give me permission to write my own stuff - now I’m just doing it.
When I’d written snippets in the past it was focussed on my dad’s story. In many ways, his story’s quite neat - he’s one of nine, he grew up on a smallholding in Ireland, he came over in the days of ‘no dogs, no Blacks, no Irish’, he did what men of that generation did - dug roads, laid pipes.
Even though my dad grew up with nothing, it was a sort of wholesome kind of poverty. My mum’s experience was pretty unpleasant - more chaotic and dysfunctional.
She was raised in the West of Ireland and Camden Town. Mum went to seven different schools by the time she was 11.
I felt guilty that I’d disregarded the amazing things she did because isn’t that what everybody’s done for years? Swept the stories of women under the carpet?
“I started to write and write and write and write. ”
I wrote an essay that was really Mum-focussed and it starts off with a list.
My mother had these lists ‘things that are proper and things that are common’. Things that are common include ‘anklets, media studies, earrings on boys, getting one of those coloured hair wraps on holiday, a bra before 15 or a padded bra at any age. Tampons are common.’
Textbook Mum.
My sister went to Cambridge. She was the first person in our family to do a degree – that was Mum’s push.
When we dropped her at Uni, Mum turned around and said ‘Now, before we go in, if anyone asks what your dad does, tell them he’s an engineer’.
I felt uncomfortable about that for a long time. But I’d never have said that to my mum because how ungrateful can you be? She worked so we could have piano lessons and ‘nice shoes’. They both did.
But now in writing about place, about identity, about what we mean by home, I understand why she said it and I understand where that push came from.
We learnt very early that aspiration meant being somewhere else. I think that’s an immigrant push, the need to be somewhere else.
That work ethic and that strength is a powerful driver, but at the same time it has a damaging impact if you don’t let anybody know where you’re really from, who you really are; don’t let on what you do for a living, that kind of thing.
I feel like owning that for her. Look at what you did! It’s an achievement - not something to be ashamed of. I feel a duty to get it down.
I’ve embraced the creativity, creating something out of it. It’s been surprising.
Writing is the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do, and it’s taken me 37 years to admit that to myself.
I think Mum would be chuffed.”