Joe
Joe is a writer, spoken word poet and podcaster.
His mum Michelle died in 2019.
“When I was 8, Mum lost her hair.
At the time it was almost an embarrassment - I didn’t want her to come to school to pick me up - what do you know as an eight year old?
I was really talented at football – I played for QPR when I was younger – but I had this anxiety on the pitch and it stemmed from this uncertainty about my mum.
She loved music, she loved theatre, she loved dancing. We called her the Dancing Queen.
When I think of her, I think of Ed Sheeran. I think of the musical Hair – not Hairspray, Hair. She was always playing the CD in the car. It was rubbish, honestly, but she loved it.
It took me until later to realise it was a facade. She was in serious pain.
I remember coming home from uni and hearing her screaming. It made me see how much she’d hidden.
Writing just felt like something I needed to do.
Me, my dad, my two siblings, we were all grieving under the same roof during lockdown. It was very tough.
I had to sit with my grief more than I would have done otherwise. I’m not saying it was a bad thing or a good thing.
I’m quite an analytical thinker. I did Maths, Economics, Psychology for A levels - there’s not much creativity there.
But my mum was an English teacher, and I think she saw a creative side to me.
It wasn’t something that I knew worked. It just did.
When people are at their most vulnerable and when they’re at their most honest.
When you’re unapologetically yourself and you’re unapologetically grieving. That’s when you have the best conversation.
I film at my house on my kitchen table. And as time went on, the table got a bit more personality.
Each guest would bring something - gradually, there were more and more things on the table. It became Joe’s Studio.
The videos got thousands of views. I think that I was a guy - and I was a young guy - and that was what made it unique.
Every time I do one it sparks something. There’s something amazing in these conversations.
“I know that writing and this creative outlet is my calling, and that grief was the stimulus. ”
I don’t know if I always want to be known as The Grief Person. Maybe that’s a self conscious thing.
I want to be in this space and explore it for as long as I need to.
Maybe once I’m happy with what I’ve left - but who knows? I could come back to it.
I know that writing and this creative outlet is my calling, and that grief was the stimulus. It wasn’t that someone said ‘Joe, you should write, it’d be really good for you.’ It’s just what made sense.
I went home one wet day from uni and started writing and I’ve been doing it ever since.
I’m still going through a grieving process. It’s out in the open, I’ve acknowledged it.
But I’d like to think that I’ve looked after that younger, anxious person I was.